Well, here we are. Coming back and writing these posts is beginning to feel a lot like talking to a friend you haven't seen in a while; awkward and guilty. However, I'm not the only one who's been missing deadlines, and breaking promises. Although not by missing deadlines for writing on their blog, or forgetting to pay back your friend. We're talking bigger things here. Emotions. Breaking promises here and there is never a good habit to get into but nevertheless most of the time that unfulfilled promise does not cause much grief. For example, me failing to update my blog over the past few days is not admirable, but has only caused a few sighs from disappointed readers. When it comes to emotions, you don't break promises. Perhaps one of the best ways to cover your ass on this one is to never make promises when it comes to matters of the heart, therefore never breaking them. However one must remember that there are some fiendish creatures who walk amongst us who, it would seem, make 'promises', with full intent to break them, using them only as a temporary measure to get what they want. As luck would have it, I have had the pleasure of encountering one of these beasts in the past few months. One could say that he 'talked the talk but never walked the walk'. We'll call him... B1. So, B1 here has made various promises, promises for the future and the present, few of which have been fulfilled. Plans, dreams, dates and everything in between, he's promised. It gets him what he wants when he makes them (my attention... I'd assume) but increasingly fails to deliver. What is more frustrating is that he has actually delivered some of what he's promised. Annoyingly, it's just the right amount to keep me hanging on. To keep me interested and have faith, and it's worked.
Now see, am I over-thinking this? Am I being a paranoid bitch? I'd like to think not but one can never know. When someone isn't meeting promises but is simply to nice and apologetic of his mistakes and shortcomings to leave, is it that he is genuinely sorry, or is it just me, sitting with my eyes to clouded with admiration to be able to believe anything other than what he tells me. Then when I start to think 'hey, maybe he doesn't intend to do any of this' - is that me being sensible or insane? It's a complete fucking mess. The biggest problem with this whole situation is my inability to let go. I know, that no matter how much I get fucked over, I'll continue to hang on with whatever it takes until I get hurt. It's like I'm standing on top of a building and there's someone at the bottom ready to catch me, and I know I'm gonna jump, all I can do is hope. Hope that that person at the bottom does catch me. Either that or I'm pavement jam. The stakes are high. Fingers crossed.
X AJ
Sidenote- I'm going abroad next week so I'll try and schedule some posts if I don't have internet, and posts will be more regular... I promise.
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