From the title of this blog and from the very first blog post, I explained to you how many of those around me had observed I was a whore. Not in the way that I'm a prostitute (...one day) but that I tend to find myself in relations of one sort or another with various different people, numerous times, in a short space of time. I at first was shocked with this observation, when it was first pointed out to me, almost offended. I couldn't quite believe that the way I behaved, made me a slut. However, after being told various stories of my immediate past, I accepted that maybe, I was indeed, a slut. It didn't sit well with me at all, It was something I had never realized, and had previously thought as a bad thing, It was, to me, (baring in mind I'm a complete drama queen) a bit like finding out you have this life long condition, or you're pregnant. For me it seemed to change everything, because the more I thought about it, the more I realized that at that point in time, I wanted to act, and continue to act like that. It worries me that looking in the dictionary you find the word 'slut' defined as 'a dirty, slovenly woman'. Now I was angered by this for three reasons:
1) I'm not dirty, I keep myself very clean, I brush my teeth, wash myself, I even eat healthily. More than that, I have had a STI health check, and I'm clean in that way as well. So screw you dictionary.
2) 'Slovenly' is a word I didn't know, and hence I had to look up that word as well - this angered me. Turns out it means 'Messy ... Careless ... Excessively Casual'. Not happy - I'm a well mannered chap, hence not messy at all, unless I'm asked to be of course. I am not careless, I'm very careful about not missing the last train home, or forgetting to record 90210, holding my friends head over the toilet (I have done this three times with three different people, having been completely wasted, I think that's quite impressive, and thoughtful). Now, the one I'm most angry about is 'Excessively Casual'. How very dare you. I take my clothing and the way I act very seriously, I have a swagger, I do my thing, I dress good, and I never leave my hair unkept. Boom.
3) Thirdly, I am displeased, because I am not a woman. Thank you.
The above proves that people often have very different definitions of 'sluts' most of which turn out, when applied to reality, not to be true. The above included. What annoys me further is that a lot of, if not most people look down upon us sex enthusiasts. As Gwen from 'Eating Out' says "We're just organic bodies with organic needs" - and yes, that does sound ridiculous. But it bares some truth. Some people ride roller coasters, some people play sport, some people watch cat videos on youtube, but me, I get my biggest thrill from human contact - and that surely is the most rational thrills of all the above interests, hence, what is wrong with getting this thrill as much as I want. Hey we're (quite) young, we're (quite) free, If somebody wants to be sensuous and flirtatious and erotic, let 'em be just that. If someone wants to dance (or more) with several guys all at once or over a small time, fine, do so. As long as you don't hurt yourself; there's nothing wrong with being a slut. So, here, today, I am starting the slut liberation, where everyone for at least once in their lives, embraces the little slut within, because I embraced mine (...although mine isn't very 'inner' it's, well, it's very out) and now, me and my sluttyness enjoy oursleves, and other people very much, you should as well, even if just for a short time.
X AJ
Do leave your gushing, loving comments below, even if it's to despise me, I always enjoy reading them, even if there is just one from a very loyal reader: and don't forget to share as well, I enjoy myself, so should others. Like this one, my post will be quite late tomorrow, I'm a popular boy see.
Tuesday 31 May 2011
Monday 30 May 2011
Where The Heart Is...
As promised, I have returned from the theatre, an emotional mess and ready to vomit my emotions out unashamedly onto the internet. The play 'A View From The Bridge', deals with many themes, but one of the more simple, basic, surface ideas of the play that got me thinking was the attraction people have to places: Why people go where they do, what people do there, why they do it and where they want to be. Now, allow me to devoid completely from the play, but a thought came into my head; "Home is where the heart is". The idea of home confuses me, some people say it's where you were born, where your family is or simply, anywhere you are, and then of course there are those who simply don't understand the concept of home, seeing themselves to be free spirits, roaming where they please without anything holding them back.
I myself do not see where I live right now, as home. I define the idea of a 'home' as somewhere where you confide in people, where you are able to realize and express emotions and listen to those of the people around you and furthermore, where you feel an overwhelming amount of passion or expectation. So for example, I do have a home right now, it exists in three places. The first, is the home I have in my friends, as I do so many things with them, and so much of my life has been spent with them. The second, is in my brother and my mother, due to the overwhelming love I feel for both of them, and by the same token, the love I feel I get from them. The third, is the one which confuses me the most, the one I fail to understand myself sometimes, and that is, my future, my dreams; the person I will love, I feel at home with him, despite the fact I've never met him, I feel at home, knowing that he may come. Furthermore, the places I am going to be, I feel at home there, every time I pass my weekends in London, I feel home, it offers so much to me as in my heart and my head I know I will pass a large part of my life there, my expectations and dreams lie there, and that excitement, that potential, makes me at home.
So anyway, I would digress back to my first point but after writing "I digress back to my original point, trying desperately to link what I just said to the first statement, the play itself, deals with these ideas of places, going to them and doing things there, what I...", I realized anything I said after "what I..." would be, quite plainly, bullshit, and I do not wish for you to suffer that, and I know that I went off on a spectacular tangent, but it was loosely linked, right? Furthermore, my excuse for this shocking trail of thought, and for the one's that will follow is my own little saying "If we didn't go off in tangents, we'd be going round in circles" (I think that's right, I'm not very good at geometry you see...)
Talking of London, I'm heading down on Thursday, so expect much cultural chit-chat and philosophical oozing. Good word that, oozing, you never really want to say the '-ing'; it's one of those words where you never really want it to end, just keep hanging on the ooooozzzze, i won't overuse it though, It'll begin to sound weird in my head.
On that deranged not I'll pull myself away from the laptop.
X AJ
Also, I will continue to annoy you by writing this at the bottom of every post, but do leave your maverick ramblings and hate mail in the comments below. If this blog ever does get read by more than two people, I would love to read your thoughts in order to pass the time. Oozing.
I myself do not see where I live right now, as home. I define the idea of a 'home' as somewhere where you confide in people, where you are able to realize and express emotions and listen to those of the people around you and furthermore, where you feel an overwhelming amount of passion or expectation. So for example, I do have a home right now, it exists in three places. The first, is the home I have in my friends, as I do so many things with them, and so much of my life has been spent with them. The second, is in my brother and my mother, due to the overwhelming love I feel for both of them, and by the same token, the love I feel I get from them. The third, is the one which confuses me the most, the one I fail to understand myself sometimes, and that is, my future, my dreams; the person I will love, I feel at home with him, despite the fact I've never met him, I feel at home, knowing that he may come. Furthermore, the places I am going to be, I feel at home there, every time I pass my weekends in London, I feel home, it offers so much to me as in my heart and my head I know I will pass a large part of my life there, my expectations and dreams lie there, and that excitement, that potential, makes me at home.
So anyway, I would digress back to my first point but after writing "I digress back to my original point, trying desperately to link what I just said to the first statement, the play itself, deals with these ideas of places, going to them and doing things there, what I...", I realized anything I said after "what I..." would be, quite plainly, bullshit, and I do not wish for you to suffer that, and I know that I went off on a spectacular tangent, but it was loosely linked, right? Furthermore, my excuse for this shocking trail of thought, and for the one's that will follow is my own little saying "If we didn't go off in tangents, we'd be going round in circles" (I think that's right, I'm not very good at geometry you see...)
Talking of London, I'm heading down on Thursday, so expect much cultural chit-chat and philosophical oozing. Good word that, oozing, you never really want to say the '-ing'; it's one of those words where you never really want it to end, just keep hanging on the ooooozzzze, i won't overuse it though, It'll begin to sound weird in my head.
On that deranged not I'll pull myself away from the laptop.
X AJ
Also, I will continue to annoy you by writing this at the bottom of every post, but do leave your maverick ramblings and hate mail in the comments below. If this blog ever does get read by more than two people, I would love to read your thoughts in order to pass the time. Oozing.
Back and Dry...
So yes, here I am, back as promised the day after the first post. Waking up this morning, I felt completely dry of inspiration, all I wanted to do was eat cereal and watch reality TV; consequently, that is what I did, but after refraining from a third helping of cereal and hence retaining my dignity, I dragged myself back toward the computer with the aim of posting on this marvelous blog. I had hoped that on the journey between my TV and my laptop I would be miraculously inspired, caught up in a frenzy of passionate belief and ready to type away, but no, to my surprise i sat down, without a thought to whimsy from my mind. Hence, I procrastinated, helplessly; 'Ooh I must check my facebook', 'Maybe I should clear up my hard drive' and so on... In fact, even me writing this is a form of procrastination, procrastination from doing any sort of work that may earn me some money over the summer. So, here I am, feeling a sense of achievement that I've managed to cease procrastinating from the procrastination of this blog. If you're not following, don't worry, neither am I.
Alas, I'm sorry dear reader (and you are dear, you're one of few - i assume), but this blog is nothing more than procrastination. It's a painfully honest truth, but it is the truth. However, that is not to say that this will be something I will refrain from, rather, it is something into which I can channel all of my easily distracted mind. Hence, I suppose you dear reader could say I am using you, you and this blog, like the self absorbed whore that I am, purely for self gain in the field of concentration. However, me using you has its benefits, I would like to think that reading my posts are and will become and have been enjoyable, hence, surely this is a win win situation?
Anyway, that is all for now, I am going to the theatre this evening so I may return more inspired than before, hence, look forward (or back) to me spilling my emotional guts out in the small hours of tomorrow morning.
X AJ
Also, don't forget to leave your maverick ramblings and hate mail in the comments below, it will make me look more popular; I'd like that very much.
- Side note: I did actually have to edit this after reading it, as at the beginning of each paragraph I had said 'So yes...' because I'm a repetition whore. Furthermore, I'm not sure whether 'to whimsy' is a verb, but I've used it, and it is now. So deal with it.
Alas, I'm sorry dear reader (and you are dear, you're one of few - i assume), but this blog is nothing more than procrastination. It's a painfully honest truth, but it is the truth. However, that is not to say that this will be something I will refrain from, rather, it is something into which I can channel all of my easily distracted mind. Hence, I suppose you dear reader could say I am using you, you and this blog, like the self absorbed whore that I am, purely for self gain in the field of concentration. However, me using you has its benefits, I would like to think that reading my posts are and will become and have been enjoyable, hence, surely this is a win win situation?
Anyway, that is all for now, I am going to the theatre this evening so I may return more inspired than before, hence, look forward (or back) to me spilling my emotional guts out in the small hours of tomorrow morning.
X AJ
Also, don't forget to leave your maverick ramblings and hate mail in the comments below, it will make me look more popular; I'd like that very much.
- Side note: I did actually have to edit this after reading it, as at the beginning of each paragraph I had said 'So yes...' because I'm a repetition whore. Furthermore, I'm not sure whether 'to whimsy' is a verb, but I've used it, and it is now. So deal with it.
Sunday 29 May 2011
Self Absorbed Whore...
So yes, this is an introduction, I'm not going to attempt to explain what this blog is about or is going to develop into, because it's been created in a caffeine fueled fit of expression. However, I will introduce myself, as it is the polite thing to do, no? So, I have actually already described myself in so many words; "...a self absorbed whore", I bet that got you interested huh? Well, it's not all strictly true, but I couldn't think of any other way to sum up myself effectively or indeed at all, in a short a space as is available in the title of the page.
So let me break it down, I'm not totally self absorbed, I like to think I'm a relatively generous and caring friend, however, I spend a lot of my time staring into a mirror. I've also been caught checking my hair and such in any reflective object, including the windows of occupied cars, the reflective backs of industrial refrigerators at Cafe Nero, sunglasses of friends who think I'm staring longingly into their eyes et cetera. But hey, even though friends occasionally comment that I'm vein and self promoting, I like to think I'm just confident, which is something which I've found rather recently, as in the past, I have been painfully shy. In terms of describing myself as a 'Whore', well, I don't regularly get payed for sex (only irregularly of course), however, my friends comment regularly that I get around a bit, a quality that I congratulate myself for; "Play Safe : Play Regularly". Furthermore, I was originally going to baptise this blog "Diary Of A Self Absorbed (Man/Boy)", but the domain was taken. What a bitch. And yes, I am a man/boy. I would like to call myself a Man, but really, I don't know what a man is really; is it a burly lumberjack romping around an evergreen forest? Is it responsibility? Is it his maturity? Who knows? But anyway, I'll refrain from divulging into a huge philosophical debate, you'll be suffering enough of that in the future, I'm sure, It's one of my tendencies.
Also, as you can see from above, one of my tendencies is also to ramble on without much direction, so look forward to that also. Forgot to say, the name is Angus... Angus James
Lastly, and most importantly look forward to me expressing myself endlessly on a (hopefully) daily basis.
X AJ
- Side note: I'll try to make this experience as two-way as possible, so leave your maverick ramblings and hate mail in the comments below, no doubt they'll be pitifully empty for quite some time, if not always.
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